Expectation is resentment waiting to happen. (John O'Donohue)
In the devotion to "should" there is the underlying expectation of outcome from other. The other will step up and make it so. A long time ago the emergent alchemical chamber got built. It was a place to go. A place, within which, creative musing could be safely worked through. The expectation was a safe haven. And as in the quote above, it turned to resentment when "other" invaded.
So, I may focus on that which is not or come into the presence of the beating of my heart. In that presence, the presence of my beating heart, there is all of the world in each beat. All of the universe in each beat. All of creation in each beat. In each beat is the complete passion for which I long. In each beat is the caress of the beloved. In each beat is the fecund moment of creation's love. In each beat is all health, all wealth and all abundance. In each beat is the whole of all. This moment passes. The secret keeper is busy in a new room. New doors to open and new places to sweep. Funny that he is so busy in the early morning hours. So funny that he needs to move about and putter in the quiet of dawn. Perhaps only there can he know that as the rest of his family gather, gather in dreams, in legacy, in long tables at banquet, perhaps there it is possible to allow and welcome his new awareness that he need not continue to keep a thing as secret but to know that it is never lost and, in the light of glorious presence, not a secret but a gem of experience, part of the wisdom of life. Be it mistake, success or failure, it is a part of all creation and so held, never lost. That moment of this knowing is a celebration. The keeper, in now gentle moment, can hold the rage that sparked the open door and knowing that rage, kindled and burning as a candle, not burning up but lighting the room with caressing light. The keeper, no longer responsible for keeping but present in the open library of experience can laugh and dance in the joy of this harmony of light and air. The keeper, released from by the host, who, in glory and presence is the sharer of this library of wisdom, of light, of life, the keeper can now step from the shadow to the lighted path of beloved passion. For, the keeper, no longer kept to the dark room of secret, that keeper, renamed wisdom is walking in the stream of living joy.
Eclectic - With a hint of pepper